Turn Up The AC

I Want This Problem!

October 11, 2020 AC Fischer Season 1 Episode 50
Turn Up The AC
I Want This Problem!
Chapters
Turn Up The AC
I Want This Problem!
Oct 11, 2020 Season 1 Episode 50
AC Fischer

After my last big breakup, I started reading anything I could find that would shed light on what the heck went wrong. I was surprised by my own conclusions.

Special thanks to Alexis Arralynn

Be sure to check out my other podcast,  When The Bough Breaks

If you'd like to record your own episode of Turn Up The AC, send me an email to find out how acfischerpod@gmail.com

Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/acpodcast)

Show Notes Transcript

After my last big breakup, I started reading anything I could find that would shed light on what the heck went wrong. I was surprised by my own conclusions.

Special thanks to Alexis Arralynn

Be sure to check out my other podcast,  When The Bough Breaks

If you'd like to record your own episode of Turn Up The AC, send me an email to find out how acfischerpod@gmail.com

Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/acpodcast)

 After my last big breakup, I started reading anything I could find that would shed light on what the heck went wrong. I’m a person who’s tried to learn from his mistakes. I think I’m at a point where I know what I want, and what I don’t. I’d like to think that I assert healthy boundaries. Maybe I’m wrong, but I think I’m a strong communicator.



So how did this person who seemed to be right for me turn out to be so wrong? Was I blinded by love? Did I have unrealistic expectations? Maybe I’m not as together or evolved as I like to believe? I’m not one to point fingers, so I’m not in a rush to take her inventory. Still, things ended. Badly.



I tripped across some of Andrew Boyd’s work. I really liked what he had to offer:



We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. 



It takes a lot of living to grow fully into our own wrongness. It isn’t until we finally run up against our deepest demons, our unsolvable problems - the ones that make us truly who we are - that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do we finally know what we’re looking for. We’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: it's got to be the right wrong person - someone we lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”



I’m starting to wonder if all my years of deliberate self-improvement have missed the mark. I’m really considering the idea that it’s not enough to fix the things I can, or accept the things that can’t be fixed. Maybe I need to embrace the entirety of myself – even the ugly bits that I’m stuck with. I wonder if I’ve subconsciously held back parts of my true self because I was ashamed of them.



When I was younger, I thought the goal was to love and be loved. When I got a little older, I thought it was to understand and be understood. I’m coming to the realization that both of these are super valuable but they’re not enough without accepting and being accepted.



That last part is a difficult one for me. How can I truly accept the ugly parts of others when I haven’t come to terms with the ugly parts of myself?