Turn Up The AC

Drinking Poison

March 10, 2021 AC Fischer, Alexis Arralynn Season 1 Episode 67
Turn Up The AC
Drinking Poison
Chapters
Turn Up The AC
Drinking Poison
Mar 10, 2021 Season 1 Episode 67
AC Fischer, Alexis Arralynn

 The Dalai Lama once said that “holding on to unforgiveness is like drinking poison, and expecting the other person to die.” What does this actually mean? Why do we hold grudges? Most importantly, how do we let go? AC shares his thoughts...

Special thanks to Alexis Arralynn for encouraging me to write...

Be sure to check out my other podcasts When The Bough Breaks and What I Like About You...

If you'd like to record your own episode of Turn Up The AC, send me an email to find out how [email protected]...

Thanks to itsjustnikia for introducing this episode!

Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/acfischerpod)

Show Notes Transcript

 The Dalai Lama once said that “holding on to unforgiveness is like drinking poison, and expecting the other person to die.” What does this actually mean? Why do we hold grudges? Most importantly, how do we let go? AC shares his thoughts...

Special thanks to Alexis Arralynn for encouraging me to write...

Be sure to check out my other podcasts When The Bough Breaks and What I Like About You...

If you'd like to record your own episode of Turn Up The AC, send me an email to find out how [email protected]...

Thanks to itsjustnikia for introducing this episode!

Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/acfischerpod)

 The Dalai Lama once said that “holding on to unforgiveness is like drinking poison, and expecting the other person to die.” 

I think forgiveness can be difficult for me because I have a hard time living in the now. I travel through my memories like I’m in a time machine. When I revisit the way I was hurt by someone, I can get stranded in that difficult emotional place. The longer I’m stranded there, the more familiar (almost comfortable) it becomes. I can get to the point where I’m so well established there that the thought of moving on can actually frighten me.

Being angry is also a strong factor. When I’m angry is not when I do my best thinking. I get all kinds of irrational when I’m thinking angry thoughts, and my primal blood-lust leaves me feeling like I can’t feel better until someone pays!

When I pull myself out of the past, and somehow manage to defuse my anger, I think the next stop is “what if?” What if they hurt me again? What if they disappoint me? What if their apology was a trick? What if, what if, what if...

Not many people know this, but I hate Dr. Phil. That said, I love a few things that he’s had to say over the years. One thing that’s always stuck with me, is his suggestion that “if you’re going to play the ‘what if?’ game, you need to follow it all the way through.”

In a nutshell, he’s saying that it’s not enough to ask the “what if?” question. I have to answer it!

“What if they hurt me again?” can be answered with something like “I’ll be strong enough to handle it,” or whatever else seems appropriate.

“What if they disappoint me again?” can be countered with “If I have more realistic expectations, will the disappointment really sting as bad?”

In some situations, “what if?” leads to harder conclusions. One of the other shows I host deals with issues surrounding family estrangement. My co-host and I both have our own estrangement stories, so I’m speaking from experience... The best answer to “what if?” is often “then I’ll be forced to sever all contact.”

Regardless of how the “what ifs” are answered, we circle back to the act of forgiveness.

Psychologists generally define forgiveness as “a conscious decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward someone who has harmed us, regardless of whether they actually deserve it.” It’s a decision, followed by specific actions. It’s not only work, but it’s an ongoing project sometimes!

There’s one more “what if?” to consider. “What if the other party turned themselves inside-out to make things right?” Would I really feel better? 

The hard truth is that some debts can never be repaid, they can only be forgiven.